Oct 16, 2012

You Think You Know......But You Don't

Unlearneveryday everyone struggles with something.  sometimes it's the same thing day in and day out.  i'm one of those people.  i was diagnosed many moons ago with an eating disorder; binge eating.  who knows how or when this happened but it is part of me and i must embrace it, or it could very easily destroy me.  for as long as i can remember, i have always had negative thoughts and feelings when it came to food.  i remember feeling like i had to hide how much i ate from my mother as a kid/teen, and even from my husband as a newlywed.  i always thought that this compulsion was some what under control and was a "normal" relationship with food.  it wasn't until i went through our first deployment (hubby is Navy) did it become apparent to me that there was something wrong.  i could eat normal for months at a time, and never give a second thought to binge eating.  then something would set me off and it would begin!  my binges would last for days/weeks on end.  i would start hiding food and eating in secret.  my normal tendencies were/are to hide chips and chocolates around the house (often in my closet) so i can eat after everyone is asleep; i was married for close to 5 years before hubby even knew i did this!  i guess i am good at hiding things lol  i remember when he was night check (1900-0700) i would go on a binge at least once a week.  he came home around 11pm for dinner.  i would serve his dinner, watch him eat and then clean up while he was home.  once he was back to work i would then sit and eat as much as i possibly could (bowls of ice cream, chips, 3 or 4 sandwiches) and then clean up so he would never know.  i was ashamed of this.  i have never openly admitted to any of my friends i have this issue.  some of my (in real life) friends know because i have become more comfortable with this issue.  it's part of who makes me who i am.  this is another reason i am so passionate about health and fitness!  i am much more aware of my patterns now and i try not to let myself get into them.   primarily it is because i don't want my kids growing up with a mother like that.  i want my daughter to grow up with something i never had; a positive role model, and learning the right way to have a relationship with food.  i now know what my triggers are and when i notice them i take control of the situation, rather than letting it control me.  one of my triggers with binge eating is my actual weight.  see when i'm over weight i get upset with myself for following in my mother's footsteps and then the cycle begins.  i noticed towards the end of my pregnancy i was hiding chocolate around the house again and then bags of chips.  i rationalized it "it's just pregnancy cravings" but i knew better.  then the behavior continued after BabyL was born but i rationalized; i need the extra calories since i'm breastfeeding and then i got caught!  we were grocery shopping and i went to grab a bag of chips and chocolates to throw into the buggy.  C looked confused and asked why they could never find those chips and stuff *BUSTED*  i put the temptations back and started to regain control of my eating habits that very day!  that was over a year ago and i'm glad to report i have not had any slip ups since then.  though some days are struggles. 

so you may be asking, how i am able to control/curb this issue?  well that's where food journaling comes in.  i almost always am logging my food.  i've used many different programs and websites through the years.  right now i am using MyFitnessPal and i think it's great (for the most part).  i'm not trying loose weight just keeping accountable for what i'm eating, even if i get up in the middle of the night i still log it.  the physical act of writing/typing it out and seeing the totals at the end of the day has really helped keep from binging.  i will admit, i do become a bit obsessed the first few weeks but it does get my mind of binging :-)  i don't journal to loose weight.  i journal to keep control.  

i suggest MyFitnessPal but with a word of caution;  i recommend you do some research on how you want to eat, and figure out your calories for yourself.  i was living a primal lifestyle for a while before i got pregnant with BabyL and LOVED it.  so, i'm eating like a cavewoman (for the most part) again and loving every second of it!  so is the fambam!!  what does eating like a caveman mean.......the short version.........everything is as close to nature as i can get it, lots of good fats and no grains.  it also means living with a different food pyramid too.  look at that baby!  how can you NOT be happy with all those fruits and veggies?!?!  i mean i get to eat things like steak, butter, avocado, spinach, salads, onions, apples almonds, greek yogurt (i don't get rid of dairy like some primal purists do), and oh so much more!  we all feel so wonderful living like this; so much more energy and happiness. the hardest part is cutting grains out (bread, noodles, rice, beans) but i feel so much better doing it.  BabyL is on a bread kick and i'm ok with that, I just stay away from it lol  there is less bloat in all of us and we all have so much more energy eating like this.  i'm keeping my carbs around 100-120gms since i'm nursing and i did see a difference in my production when they've dipped below 100gm.  i only push for 80% of my diet to be primal because i know that's what my body needs.  understand that the PrimalBlueprint is a lifestyle; just like any nutrition plan should be.  it encompasses every aspect of your life not just what you put in your mouth.  if you have any questions about this please feel free to ask.  

hope y'all have a TERRIFIC TUESDAY!!

1 comment:

Empowered Momma J said...

Your honesty and experience about your binge eating and all that it entails really keeps this post real The suggestions and tips you mentioned are great for keeping us accountable to what goes into our vessel. 80%/20% rule is something I try to live. Thank you for linking up with Empowered Living Tuesday Blog Hop. Hope to see you again.